Claire Murphy

She was born Claire Ann Erger on November 22, 1934 in St. Louis, Missouri to the parents of Virginia C. Pierce and Peter Anthony Erger. Claire is survived by her two daughters, Stacy Meza Kinsler and Leigh Ann Murphy Dunn, her brother, Michael T. Stirling, her three step-children, Michael Murphy, Daniel Murphy, and Karen Murphy. Claire is also survived by nine grandchildren and three great grandchildren: Diana, Ryan, Sean, Sarah, John, Jackson, Baden, Aidan, Kaitie, Matthew, Brennan, and Evalyn. After 28 years of marriage, her beloved husband and intellectual equal, John Edward Murphy, preceded her in death on December 22, 2011. So much can be written about the life of Claire but in the interest of space and attention span, I will attempt to condense her most captivating characteristics into a few paragraphs (well, maybe a few pages). Claire’s personality entered the room before she did; she commanded a room and one would always know that she was there. She had opinions and you would always be made aware of them. Claire was born during the Great Depression and I remember distinctly her recalling her childhood as filled with her mother’s love and she never lacked for anything although they were never wealthy. Claire, I believe, was made strong from her strong mother who encouraged Claire to aim high. As a child growing up in the Depression Era, Claire was taught what was right and what was wrong, she was taught how to work hard, she as taught to mind her tongue with her elders, she was taught that she could do anything she set her mind to, she was taught how to make due with little…much to the chagrin of her children, this trait remained entirely in tact throughout her life…she was taught to save, she was taught to sew, she was taught to cook…again, to the chagrin of her children, McDonalds was NEVER on the dinner menu, nor was Mac-n-Cheese or tacos! Claire clearly stated, and I can mostly admit she was right, that her food was always better than what one could get at a restaurant. She would work all day, come home, and make a full-blown gourmet meal for her family before 6:15pm. But there was more to Claire – she was emotionally and intellectually put together. She always had something clever and scholarly to say. She loved five-dollar words and if you wanted to keep up with her, you needed to have an extensive vocabulary and a quick wit! She would listen and offer wise advice. She was the best sounding board a person could ask for IF the person was willing to hear the truth. She was a truth teller because she knew that anything less would be beneath her dignity, not be to your benefit, and she never candy-coated her advice. She would comfort you when you were down but she never allowed you to languish in self-pity or despair. I never exactly knew how that worked except that you would get the sense from her that enough was enough and it was time to move forward and because you loved her, you just took her word for it and moved on. She was from a family that had survived the Depression, who was I to tell her I just couldn’t go on after getting dumped by a boyfriend or that I screwed up so bad at work I thought I was going to get fired?! Claire was always dressed. There would rarely be a day that you wouldn’t see her perfectly coiffed. She stood tall, beautiful, proud, and smartly dressed from head to toe, with her face on, her nails and hair done complete with a smile that you knew was very real. There wouldn’t be a crease in her clothing. She was intelligent and successful in her career and she kept a beautiful home. She cared for others. Her career right out of college began on the streets of Chicago as a social services agent. She was tasked with visiting homes in poor neighborhoods to make sure the children on her register were being cared for properly. As her career progressed and she moved from the Midwest to the West, her desire to be a change agent continued. She continued her work in social services with Los Angeles and Orange counties and finished her career as a budget analyst for the Orange County Fire Departments. But there is still more to Claire. Her granddaughter, Diana, said it best: “She had a smile that warmed your heart, her embrace was real, her ears were always open to listen, her eyes were so kind and peaceful. She made me feel like I was important, that I could really do anything! And I know she believed in me. Gramma was a sacred place for me, a place where I could be just me, I could tell her anything. When she said it would be okay, I knew that it would be okay, because Gramma knew. She always reminded me that I came from a very long line of strong women. We are not average ladies you know?! We WILL achieve greatness. She was my hero, her backbone was strong enough to carry an army, and her heart was big enough to love that army too.” As the dementia began to overcome her, I was fortunate to be able to move her close to me in Colorado. These last three years were probably some of the best years I was able to have with my mom. She revealed so much of herself to me that was always a bit hidden when I was growing up. I guess because she was the mama and she needed to be strong for her kids. Gone was the no-nonsense, steel backbone lady who could always shake you from your doubt. It was now my turn to lead her in this next chapter of life. I relished our time together and soaked in the funny stories her mind was telling her to share. Even during the clouded reveries, she spoke of truth and love and strength; it was just part of her hard-wiring. Claire’s life was full! She was a girl scout, she played the piano, she was an artist, she acted in plays, she was a Homecoming princess, she was a 1952 graduate of Madison High School in Illinois, she was an athlete, she was a cheerleader for the University of Illinois, she was a “Miss North Side” beauty contestant in 1954, she was a 1956 graduate of the University of Illinois, she was a woman who could stand toe-to-toe with any man, she coached several of my soccer teams, she was unafraid to try, she was a beloved daughter and sister, she was a devoted wife and mother, she was a loyal friend, and she was so much more. I will leave you with this last piece of truth written to her by Pop (her step-father, Thomas Rufus Stirling) while he was serving in the US Navy during WWII: “Having just made your first communion, I guess you think you are growing up. Well you are, and since you are, you must start now in making yourself a likeable and presentable young lady. Look to your Mother for help and in return you can be a big help to her. The two of you can put your heads together now and then and think out many a little disturbance left unsaid. Take time off from your play once in a while and have Mom relax from her work.” Such sage wisdom that Claire never departed from as a young woman and as a mother. Claire was always a likable and presentable lady. The most glaring piece of truth she in turn shared with her daughters was to make ourselves likeable and presentable young ladies. We were never allowed to look as if we had been “sucking on lemons” (her specific words) – which is today’s version of Resting Bitch Face. She wouldn’t have it, not ever. Carry yourself so that people aren’t hesitant to approach you. My sister and I were taught respect, to help our mother, work first-play second, the importance of approachability, and to conduct ourselves in ladylike fashion. Did we always carry that out? No, but we always knew the truth and we always seemed to find our way back. Claire passed away peacefully at 1:30pm on May 29, 2018 with her hand being held simultaneously by Leigh Ann & her Savior, Jesus Christ.