Jewel Emma Graham

The life of and love for Jewel Emma Graham Wife, Mother, and Grandmother to many On July 24, 1923, Jewel Axlen was delivered into her mother’s arms in the dining room of the home her father built for his family in Tacoma, Washington (4629 So. Tacoma Ave). She was the third of four children born to Norwegian immigrants Agnes B. Axlen (Mathisen) and Adolph O. Axlen. On Wednesday morning May 31 2017, Jewel Graham was peacefully delivered into the arms of Her Lord with her family nearby. Although we rejoice for her reunion with Dad and family awaiting her, we grieve the loss of her presence, her spicy sense of humor and her bold respect for God and her love of the hymns that honored God. The Family She Left Behind Mom left behind her four adult children and their spouses: Glen & Chris Graham; Jerry & Janie Graham; John & Linda Graham; Cindy & Maurice Varieur, Judy Graham; along with her grandchildren: Robert, Tony, Tanya (Tim), Debby (Larry), Todd, Michelle; Janine (Mark), Jim; Eric (Jody), Kevin (Lori), Susie (Logan); Naomi (Kyle), Christina (Steve), Troy; and her great-grandchildren: Angela, Zachary, Elizabeth, Zakyah Isaiah, Alexander, Nicolas, Tabitha, Chloe, Emma, Brennan, Asher, Hazel, Hawken, Wesley, Lucian, Greyson; and her one great-great grandchild: Brooklyn. Devoted Mother and Aunt Mom was a devoted mother to Glen Jr, Jerry, Johnny and Cindy and shared many memories of growing up on Tacoma Avenue in the twenties including being the sister to Ed Axlen a gifted musician who played the Saxophone in a Roaring 20’s band. Her brother Ed married Marge making Mom “Aunt Jewel” to Eddie Jr, and sweet Laura. Mom also shared childhood stories of being the younger sister to Ethalind (Sis) who married Alf Dahl and had four beautiful daughters: Sheila, Linda, Selma, and Sandy. Of course Mom never forgot her baby brother John (Bud) who married Betty, bringing more amazing cousins into the Axlen family: Cheryl, Pete, Steve, and Rick. As a mother and an aunt, Mom played an active part (with Aunt Sis and Grandma Axlen) in the lives of her nephews/nieces (including the Graham nieces/nephews: Bruce, Bonnie, Catharine, Alberta, Pat, and Betty (Liz)). She helped plan birthday parties and holiday get-togethers. Her contribution to our lives ensured (in part) we all grew up with rich memories of Grandma’s basement, beautiful flower gardens, Norwegian cookies (and traditions), piano/organ music, membership in the Scotts and of course her deep value of faith in a loving God and regular church activities. Mom’s history In her youth, Mom attended Mary Lyon Elementary, Stewart Jr. High and Lincoln High where she graduated (early) with honors in 1941. While at Lincoln she studied Latin, biology, and other home health classes in hopeful anticipation of becoming a nurse. However, because of WWII, Jewel and Glen’s parents urged them to marry shortly after graduation—putting her dream of a nursing career on hold. Therefore, Jewel and Glen Sr. were joined in marriage January 18, 1942. As young newlyweds, Mom and Dad worked at Mount Rainier National Park. Mom was a waitress at the Paradise restaurant and Dad was responsible for managing some of the park facilities. When the boys were old enough, Mom worked at Bevington’s Restaurant as a waitress and cashier. She was appropriately proud of her capacity to always balance her cash-drawer to the penny and outwit the occasional quick-change artists. Mom and Dad had so many different adventures while seeking to support their growing family and realize a slice of the American dream. For a season they managed the dance hall at Five Mile Lake where they were able to have a couple horses. Ginger (Mom’s horse) and Baldy (Dads horse) were among the fond memories Mom shared often. Mom also told the story of how some young men showed up at their house late at night feigning interest in the dark closed dance hall, and how the family dog stood next to Mom baring his teeth, and how they suddenly chose to leave. The Grahams, the Axlens and the Dahls attended Lincoln Park Christian Church until they founded South Lakeshore Christian. The families all lived within walking distance of each other except for a couple years when Mom and the boys followed Dad and his work to Fairbanks Alaska in 1953. Upon their return to Tacoma, Mom gave birth to her only daughter, whom the brothers named “Cindy Lou” after a girl they babysat in Alaska. Cindy’s name was not the only memory brought home from Alaska. Mom often reminisced of their time in Alaska, including how she forgot her driving gloves when rushing to pick up the older boys so she had young Johnny slip his hands into his pockets so she could use his small gloves to prevent frostbite on her fingers. As our family grew, Mom and Dad bought a small house at 315 North Lane in Tacoma, and then in 1960 we moved to 5220 “A” Street (a few blocks away). This neighborhood and school district is where most of our memories dwell. We all went to the same schools Mom attended. Many of the friends we grew up with were lifelong permanent residents in this neighborhood: the Bergmans, Gibsons, Hunts, Braatens, Johnsons, Lowes, Kolonos, Walters, and many more who also went to the same schools and nearby churches. When Cindy was in elementary school, Mom accepted a job at Rhodes Department Store in downtown Tacoma. She began as a sales floor associate in the Toy Department and often brought home discarded or slightly damaged toys (to Cindy’s delight). Because of her amazing talent and flexibility she helped in many other departments including the typesetting printing office. Cindy has fond memories of occasionally watching Mom make signs for the store near the end of her shift. Mom’s experience with printing machines at Rhodes and later mimeograph and lithograph machines was put to good use when Dad opened an office supply and cold ceramics hobby business. Also, true to her nature of being busy serving her family and church, she used her printing skills to produce the newsletter for South Lakeshore Christian Church. Mom’s gift of learning quickly and her amazing attention to detail dovetailed nicely when learning the “new” technology of lithograph/mimeograph copying machines (before Xerox machines) so much so that she eventually helped Dad demonstrate and sell enough copy machines to win a trip to Bermuda. As a woman and family who needed to be good stewards of limited resources, a trip to Bermuda was an unbelievable blessing. Many years later they would also win a trip to Ada Michigan as Amway Direct Distributors. As Amway Distributors and volunteers at their church and in their various clubs Mom was well known and liked in the community. After Dad passed away, Mom continued his routine of delivering day-old donuts to several senior centers and to South Lakeshore on Sundays for the after service coffee hour. She also volunteered in the kitchen at the Lighthouse Senior Center on “A” Street for over ten years where she shared more donuts. Mom, like Dad, was well known for having an ever-abundant supply of day-old donuts. Memories of being a mom God blessed Mom and Dad with a very bright and active first-born son: Glen Jr. Mom shared many delightful (funny) stories of his clever “escape” tactics when living near 6th Avenue in Tacoma. She was grateful for faithful neighbors who would call to say, “Jewel, he is out again.” For every attempt she made to ensure his safety, he would swiftly find a new way to leave on another wild adventure—with the faithful Collie (Laddie) trying to tug him home. Mom (and Dad) successfully channeled Glen’s passion for adventure till the day he enlisted in the Navy as a young adult. With such a busy first-born son, God gave Mom and Dad a break with their second-born son Jerry—true to his birth-order, Jerry was Mom’s faithful, compliant helper, without an argument he would help her with ironing the clothes, making dinner and cleaning. He enthusiastically embraced her love for cleanliness and orderliness. So much so that when he purchased his first car, he made sure his baby sister (Cindy) did not get fingerprints on the window and to this day will put a newspaper back in order after reading it, just like Mom. Mom did not believe that being a boy made a child exempt from domestic duties. All her sons were trained to do dishes, iron clothes, make military folded corners on their beds, cook, dust and keep neat organized dressers (if their drawers got messy she would dump them out and have them re-fold their clothes properly). The reprieve Jerry gave our parents from Glen’s hyperactivity was short-lived—all of Glen’s adrenalin-rush passion, was paralleled in their third born son’s (Johnny) sassy intellectual wit. Yet, Mom rose to the challenge and held her own. Johnny was “found out” feeding Brownie (our Pomeranian) the peas Mom believed needed to be “cleaned from our plates”. Unfortunately for Johnny, Brownie did not like peas either, thus leaving the “evidence” under the table for Mom to discover. To share only one more of Johnny’s many capers: when Johnny proudly refused to shave his new facial hair, Mom snuck into his room while he slept and began to shave off the peach fuzz—never again did he defy her. Although John’s sassy wit and height admittedly nearly intimidated Mom, she shared how she surprised him by using the advantage of standing a few steps above him. A personal reflection through the eyes of Jewels daughter. Mom’s resolve to train her sons to be honest, dependable, clean-shaven, disciplined, hard-working men with integrity was proven successful. Today my brothers are the men she sought to train in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). They are successful businessmen and loving family men, who know how to respect women (and children), maintain a clean house and keep a manicured yard. Each one of them in their own way faithfully supported and honored Mom and Dad to the last hours of their lives here on earth. By example and with word, Mom’s children rose up and blessed her (Proverbs 31:28). It is a privilege and honor to be the daughter of Jewel Graham (and Glen Graham). I could not have had any better big brothers than Glen, Jerry and Johnny. They constantly thanked me for helping to care for our mom (and Dad)—but without them it could not have happened—we loved and supported and cared for our parents as a team. We are the team Mom (and Dad) trained us to be and we are blessed beyond words. Proverbs 31 is Bible passage most Christian women prefer to ignore—it describes a “superwoman” that burns the candle at both ends and is successful at anything she puts her hand to. Mom would never declare herself a Proverbs 31 woman, but so much of what it teaches describes her desires, in spite of her limitations. By the grace of God, I (Cindy) have come to deeply love my Mom with her failures, emotional handicaps, and sometimes-insensitive choices. To write about Mom as if she never failed would be disingenuous and would deny the gift God gave me and Mom these last few years—through the difficult times. As a young adult there were times I resented her “workaholic” lifestyle but now I admire the disciplines she attempted to instill in me. I am in awe of how she made work “play” by having us do chores side by side with her. As a teen, there were times I sneered at what seemed to be hypocrisy: she taught us that telling the truth was more important than the mistake we may seek to hide, yet she would occasionally tell “white lies”. Today, as I witness the epidemic of dishonesty in our culture—I am so very grateful our Mom developed a family that can be trusted to tell the truth about the important things. Then when Dad was dying, I was offended by her “denial” of his physical decline, I mistakenly assumed it reflected a lack of love and respect. That offence and other liken to it stuck with me as I cared for her in the early years of her failing mind. With all my heart I wanted to honor her and love her but failed often when stress got the best of me. So eventually, I prayed, I told the Lord that I did not want to feel relieved when Mom passed. I told him I wanted to honestly miss her but feared that was impossible. In answer to my prayer, God impressed on me to pray with her every night and to tell her I loved her. Praying with Mom was much easier then saying, “I love you mom” (but it had been easy to tell my Dad I loved him the last few months he lived with us). After praying with her the first few months I noticed that the negative aspects of dementia were diminishing. Instead of thinking people were taking advantage of her or stealing things, she was expressing gratitude. She stopped focusing on missing spoons or things being out of order. The last two years of praying together was so much more positive than negative. She was singing hymns with YouTube on the TV. She was regularly praying out loud, thanking God for her family and all that He blessed her with. Then a few weeks before she passed, at 5:30 am she called for me to give her a hug (Mom does not ask for hugs). I resisted, thinking I can give her a hug at 7:30 am. However, she kept calling for me, so I finally got up and went to her and gave her a hug. She held me tight and said “I just want you to know how much I love you” she said it several times. Mom had never initiated saying “I love you”. Every night when I told her “I love you” sometimes she would say “I love you too” but not always and never did she initiate “I love you”. After Mom passed, I got an email from a newer friend who said, “I’m sorry about the loss of your Mom, I know you loved her”. My first thought was, “he does not know I loved her.” Then I realized, I really loved my mom! God had answered my prayer, not only did I really miss her, my heart had grown deeply fond of her. Only God can exchange a heart of stone for a heart of flesh—and He did. Only God can change the human heart from the inside—and He did. I am grateful to have taken the difficult journey of living with and caring for my Mom in her home—I failed her so many times (yet God gave us grace). Many times I regretted the commitment I had made to allow her to live out her life in her home (I wanted my own home). Many times if I could have quit, I would have quit (in God’s grace He closed all other options). And now, I view those years much like the pain of childbirth, without that difficult labor I would never have truly met and fallen in love with my Mom. It took the refiners fire to burn off the impurities in both our hearts toward one another. I rejoice that I had the privilege of helping lead my Mom to the door of eternity where “all fear is gone” as she repeated shortly before she said, “I surrender all, I want to go home”. I love you Mom!