Marie H. Walling

This is my remembrance of my dear wife, the love of my life and a truly exceptional person. I am relying on my personal observation, things she told me, documents I have seen and things others have said over the nearly 60 years of our marriage.Marie Catherine Hefferan was born in Chicago, Illinois on December 19, 1926. Her father was William S. Hefferan, Jr. and her mother was Marie Murphy Hefferan. Marie had a brother, with whom we were never close, who died of Alzheimer’s. She had two aunts, Helen Hefferan Paschen and Irene Murphy Green. Aunt Helen had a daughter, Lynn, and Aunt Irene had two sons, George and Jim. We came to know and love all three of these cousins. Grandma Hefferan was a powerful public school advocate in Chicago. We attended a ceremony at which she had a school named in her honor. Grandpa Murphy was a fire chief in Chicago at a time when horse-drawn fire wagons were in use. Marie attended school on Chicago’s northern suburbs, graduating from New Trier High School in Evanston before attending the University of Wisconsin in Madison, from which she graduated in 1948 with the degree Bachelor of Philosophy. She had a major in English literature, and was an avid reader. She was my information source for all things cultural. I shall miss her helpful insights. She had a beautiful voice, and had major roles in concerts and musical events in high school and college. She maintained her interest and participation in musical activities throughout her life. Music was an important factor in our relationship from the beginning. In fact, our first meeting was a blind date, arranged by my sister Alice and her husband Edwin Snyder, who both worked with Marie at Rand McNally. On that occasion we attended an outdoor musical event. We soon realized that we were in love and seriously compatible. We married on December 30, 1950. Even as a child, Marie was a lively and feisty individual. This is evident from old home movies and stories that she and others told me. She kept in touch with her favorite college roommate Jo Schmidt, who married the director of the school radio program, Karl Schmidt. Karl wrote “Marie had a fiery spirit and a strong mind tempered by compassion who knew the way she wanted to go.” It was in college that she finally broke with the Catholic Church, after reasoned and thoughtful consideration. She maintained a serious interest in religion and philosophy throughout her life. We had no religious affiliation after we were married until in 1953 my job took us to Dayton, Ohio. There we became involved in the Unitarian Church and ultimately helped start the Miami Valley Unitarian Fellowship, which still exists as a much larger, successful organization, having absorbed the original Dayton Church. This also began Marie’s newsletter experience, drawing on her career as an assistant editor at Rand McNally in Chicago and subsequent retail copyrighting jobs. The newsletter reflected her lively and interesting approach to life and was a major contributor to the success of the Fellowship. I was then transferred to Boston, where Marie worked for the Unitarian (which became Unitarian-Universalist) Church headquarters at 25 Beacon Street. She wrote the newsletter for their Women’s Alliance and subsequently wrote for the denominational magazine. In that capacity she traveled to Selma, Alabama during the civil rights demonstrations and wrote about her interesting experiences there. I then transferred to Phoenix, Arizona where Marie became the religion editor for the Arizona Republic, Arizona’s largest newspaper. Her insightful and interesting style earned her several local and national awards. She became friendly with ministers of several church denominations, Jewish, Protestant and Catholic. Her stories interested people who did not normally pay attention to religion issues. In 1970 Marie traveled to Israel with a group of religion writers from around the USA and filed stories which the newspaper compiled into a booklet. One copy is in her desk file. If anyone would like to see it, I might consider lending it, or at least making it available for viewing at our home, along with a cup of tea. It is a treasured document to me. After I retired we moved to Colorado Springs, partly to be closer to Marie’s cousin George, who lived in Boulder. We had maintained a close relationship with George and regularly visited each other in Chicago, Dayton, and Arizona. George married Pearl during this period, and they had a daughter, Patricia, fondly known to family as Patti. Pearl, a war widow, had two sons, Mike and Woody, for whom George successfully took over as father. We had many good visits, including a number of ski trips. Patricia was a good student and worked in computer technology for EDS and Microsoft before starting her own successful business in the computer search field. Patricia married Dale Hursh and they had a daughter Cameron (Cammy) and a son Keenan. After Marie’s death Patricia sent me a beautiful condolence note. Here are excerpts from her note “Remembering Marie”: “There is a small, perfect piece of art in my bedroom. The frame holds a special message ‘And Two Shall Become One’. This is a beautiful needlepoint piece that Marie created, framed and gave to Dale and me on our wedding day. Signed MHW. I see it every day, and think of her. There is a book on my bookshelf ‘A Primates Memoir’ that Marie sent to me many years ago. Both Dale and I read it and adored it. I have told many friends about this story…. Since I was a little girl I thought of Marie as my AUNT…. Everyone should have a special aunt. I consider myself so lucky. Marie was entertaining, unexpected and informative. I learned so much from her over the years. She was a role model to me. I will miss her wit and intelligence. I will miss her face, her smile, her laugh, and her big, warm hugs. At our house we tell a lot of stories. Keenan and Cammy especially love stories about family members! Tales of Marie will now be added to our collection and passed along. As Dale says ‘She was quite a character and we LOVED her for it.’… Marie is a part of my life, a part of me. I feel blessed to have known her. I am a better person for it. I will miss her so. Love, Patricia” (A PS from Cammy): “Marie was a great person in the Green family. I loved her so much. I also loved her sense of pride and humor. .. Marie would always tell us stories and jokes…I felt really comfortable around her… I thought we were a lot alike (and I liked that). Love, Cammy” Marie loved and felt close to her Aunt Helen and we both admired Helen’s husband Herb Paschen, who was a judge in Chicago. We were friendly but not really close to their daughter Lynn until we moved to Arizona. Lynn had married Jack McConnell, a Chicago attorney who inherited a casita in Tucson. Eventually they built a beautiful home in the Tucson hills overlooking the city, where they spent winters. After we moved to Colorado Springs we made regular winter visits to their Tucson home, where their generous hospitality was magnificent. Marie and Lynn developed a very close friendship, and maintained frequent telephone contact when they were apart. Our winter visits and phone contacts continued after we moved to Panorama, our “Continuing Care Retirement Community” home in Lacey, Washington, where Marie spent her last days. Marie’s greatest disappointment was that we were never able to have children, although employing all available techniques at that time, including Marie’s solo trip to Philadelphia in pursuit of a possible solution. In time, she realized that there were compensations, including her career and travel. Nevertheless, she loved children and had a great relationship with them. This was demonstrated by Patricia and Cammy Hursh’s comments, above. Also, we always loved my sister’s daughter Suzanne. Marie delighted in sending gifts of little girls’ clothing on Suzy’s birthday. We cared for Suzy at our home in Dayton while Alice and Ed traveled in Europe and Paris. We bought her a pair of water wings to wear in our pool. She looked like a little angel. After we moved to Arizona Suzy spent some time with us and Marie got her a buckskin cowgirl outfit to wear at the riding academy to which Marie took her. They developed a close relationship which lasted. When we were living in Colorado Springs, after my sister Alice moved there, Suzy brought her daughters Lia, Amy and Becky to visit. Marie delighted in singing and having fun with them. Marie was especially happy that we were able to attend Lia’s wedding in Ohio. In Arizona some of our dearest friends were John and Anne Sanborne. They had three wonderful children, David, Jill and Christine. We had many fun adventures with them and have maintained contact. I received a dear note from Chrissy upon her hearing of Marie’s death. Here is an excerpt: “I have such fond memories of our family get-togethers growing up, with Marie’s wit, intellect and insight in the forefront. I feel lucky to have had her in my life…She will be deeply missed by all...” We have had numerous other close friends throughout our marriage, many of whom have preceded Marie in death. I discovered among Marie’s current papers, in her appointment book, a document I know she made many years ago in Arizona. It was a copy of Zen author Shunryu Suzuki’s writing “Nirvana, the Waterfall”. As I interpret the message, our lives are compared to the individual drops in a waterfall. The river, and individual drops comprising it, is calm and serene before coming to the waterfall. Upon reaching the fall each individual drop begins a wild, chaotic existence, until being once again united with the river, which continues on. I do not know why Marie recently retrieved this forty year old document from her files, but I think it reflects her view of life. Perhaps soon my drop of water will rejoin the river. In the meantime I shall miss her more profoundly than I can express. You may leave memories and condolences online by clicking on "View Guestbook" below.