Mary Lou Miller

Mary Lou Miller (known as “Honey” to her children and grandchildren), 76, passed away peacefully on May 24th, 2017 at her home in Falls Church, VA. She had been living with advanced lung cancer for the last year. She died as she lived with humor and grace, surrounded by the love of family and friends, and with concern for those she was leaving behind. She was married for 55 years to Clyde A. Miller and raised five children, Lynda, Colin, Christopher, Danine, and Shawn. Born Mary Louise Collins on February 4, 1941, to Robert “Bud” Collins and Esther McCarthy Collins, she grew up in Mechanicville, NY as the oldest of five children. Mary Lou was the first among her siblings to earn a college degree, receiving a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development from Cornell University in 1962 and a Master of Science in Education in 1967 from State University College in Buffalo, NY. She married Clyde Miller on August 24, 1962, and they went on to have five children, which kept her pretty busy for the first 20 years of marriage. In 1982, Lou started her studies for a graduate degree in Religious Education at Catholic University. With one child in college and four children at home, a friend of Lou’s suggested that some changes might be needed so that she could continue her work as an adult education coordinator for Fairfax County while attending Catholic University. Taking her friend’s advice, that very same day she stopped at Target and bought laundry baskets for each of the children so they could start helping more with household chores. Mary Lou received a Masters in Religious Education from Catholic University in 1984. Following graduation, she became the Minister of Religious Education at Good Shepherd Parish in Alexandria, VA under the capable supervision of Father Gerry Creedon. Her first day on the job, perceiving that she was not quite sure where to start, Father Creedon gave her a book on management (the One Minute Manager), a list of parishioners active in religious education that were likely to be helpful, and the news that she would be speaking at all the Masses on the coming Sunday (it’s hard to believe now, but at that time, she was petrified of public speaking). Undaunted, Lou wrote a script for the Sunday Mass introductions, called Gerry’s candidates on the phone the following week, and launched her career in religious education. By 1986, Lou had been recruited by Fr Tom Brenberger C.PP.S., to serve as the Director of Religious Education at St Anthony of Padua in Falls Church, a mere 3 miles from home versus the 35-mile round trip required daily to reach Good Shepherd. With Lou’s job now close by and three older children now off to college, Honey arranged for 10-year-old Shawn to be left under the care of his 14-year-old sister after school. On a rare day that Shawn had been allowed to be home alone (with the agreement that no friends would be in the house), she received a call at work asking where he and his friend could find dry matches. Lou was happy that she had moved her job closer to home. Lou’s passion for religious education was especially strong when it came to adult faith formation. She trained at the Shalem Institute, receiving her Certificate in Spiritual Guidance in 1989 and going on to become an adjunct staff member there until the time of her death. To further her ability to provide pastoral care and spiritual direction in our diverse community, she learned Spanish, receiving a Tecun Uman for Spanish Language Study in Antigua, Guatemala in 2002. The crowning success of Lou’s 20-year career at St. Anthony of Padua occurred on April 19, 2000 when her husband Clyde (60 years old at the time), was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic faith. Their youngest daughter Danine was his sponsor and is officially his godmother. Lou remained at St Anthony’s for 21 years, much of that time working with Pastor Horace “Tuck” Grinnell. In April 2004, she was nominated by her parish and received the 2004 Religious Educational Excellence Award from the National Association of Parish Catechetical Directors, honoring her outstanding service to the parish community. After her retirement on July 1, 2007, she continued to provide spiritual direction and remained active with Ignatian Volunteer Corps (IVC) and the Shalem Institute until March of this year. One of her last tasks just a few days before she died was to turn the files of her current directees over to her longtime friend and colleague Bill Dietrich. Lou loved spending time with her colleagues and friends in the IVC, the Arlington Cursillo community, Shalem Institute, other Spiritual Directors and MREs in the Diocese of Arlington, close friends from her neighborhood and local community, and with her family. We were blessed to learn many valuable lessons from Mary Lou during her 75 years, among them: When in doubt, laugh. It can save you from a spanking. Funnel cake is for dinner and blueberry pie is for breakfast. Family comes first and most of the time, the best way to help is to simply show up. Trust God, there is always a plan. Love each other. Since early February this year, when her condition worsened abruptly, she received two or three cards in the mail every single day. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming for her and for the family. She was not ready to leave us – especially Clyde. After 55 years, she still felt there was so much she wanted to do with him. However, thanks to her beautiful friends and the support that came from the rich and deep faith community to which she has contributed so much, she felt that she was one of the lucky ones. She said over and over again in the weeks before she passed, “What more could I ask for?” She was loved, she knew that she was loved, and she knew that she had made a difference in the world. In the week before she died, she told her children that the best way to honor somebody is to want to be like them – to do things in your own life that you admired in the person you lost. Following her lead, Clyde has said he is going to need to make a LOT more friends. For those of us she left behind, we can honor her by choosing joy and laughter, by caring for others without counting the cost to ourselves, and by showing up. She is survived by her husband of 55 years, Clyde A. Miller, her sister Lynda (Collins) Lenahan), her brother John R. Collins, her five children: Lynda (Chamness) McGee, Colin R. Miller, Christopher H. Miller, Danine (Miller) Welsh, and Shawn A Miller; and eight grandchildren: Taylor and Conor Chamness; Katie and Grace Miller; Maggie, Emmy, and Kate Miller; and Elise Welsh. A visitation will be held for family and friends at Advent Funeral Services (www.adventfuneral.com), 7211 Lee Highway, Falls Church on Tuesday, May 30, from 2:00 pm – 4:00 pm and from 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm. Parking is very limited at the funeral home, so please carpool where possible. Some side street parking is available. We will celebrate Mary Lou’s life at a Mass of Christian Burial on Wednesday, May 31 at 10:30 am at St. Anthony of Padua Catholic Church, 3305 Glen Carlyn Road, Falls Church. Mary Lou supported Catholic Relief Services (www.crs.org) and Habitat for Humanity (www.habitat.org) for those wishing to make a donation in honor of her life. Mary Lou walked in beauty throughout her life. She touched so many hearts, she changed so many lives, and we will pray for the grace to carry her legacy forward with grateful hearts. – Lyn (Miller) Chamness May 28, 2017