Beyond “I’m Sorry”: 21 Alternative Things to Say

When someone you know loses a loved one, it's natural to want to offer comfort. But the words “I’m sorry,” though heartfelt and certainly appropriate, can start to feel automatic. Whether you're speaking at a funeral, offering condolences at a memorial, or running into someone unexpectedly, finding the right words matters.

Here are 21 ways to offer sympathy and show affection beyond “I’m sorry.” Each message is personal and conveys how much you care. Best of all, these phrases work when spoken or written in a memorial guest book, sympathy card, or social media post. 

Short and Simple Statements to Comfort

These phrases work well when you only have a moment, such as a receiving line at a memorial, passing someone in the grocery store, or dropping off flowers or a meal. 

1. I’ve been thinking of you.

Brief but heartfelt, this phrase lets the person know they’re on your mind.

2. My heart is with you.

Warm and empathetic, this expresses shared sorrow without needing many words.

3. Sending you love and strength.

A good phrase to use when you're writing a card or message and want to keep it uplifting.

4. I’m holding you in my thoughts.

A gentle way to say you’re present with them in spirit, and appropriate for those not religious. However, if you and the grieving person are comforted by specific references, you could say, I’m keeping you in my prayers.

5. You don’t have to say anything – I just want you to know my thoughts are with you.

Depending on your relationship, you can modify it to: You don’t have to say anything; I just want to give you a hug.  

Supportive Phrases and Conversation Starters

6. This must be so hard. Please let me know if I can help – even with something small.

You can use this phrase as is or personalize it with an offer for something they might need, such as walking the dog, picking up groceries, or another specific task.  

7. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Let them know you're here for them, now and in the coming weeks.

8. There’s no timeline for grief. Take all the time you need.

Helpful when others may be rushing them to “move on.”

9. I don’t know exactly what to say, but I care about you so much.

It’s okay to admit the difficulty of the moment while still offering connection and comfort.  

10. If you ever want to talk, I’m just a call away.

Some people reach out when they’re ready. This phrase opens the door for future conversation. You can also share these grief support resources with someone who might need more than just a friend to lean on.

Condolences That Acknowledge Their Loved One

Grief is raw, intense, and deeply personal. Here are suggestions for expressing sympathy with personalized condolences that include their loved one’s name. Many grief experts and those who have experienced grief say that acknowledging their loved one is helpful. 

11. I was heartbroken to hear about [Name].

Simple and direct, this phrase shows your grief, too.

12. [Name] was such a wonderful person. I feel lucky to have known him/her/them.

A meaningful way to honor the memory of the person who died. You might also consider honoring their memory with a meaningful sympathy gift, whether it's something personalized or symbolic.

13. I’ll always remember the time we all [shared memory or moment].

Sharing a memory can offer healing and connection.

14. [Name] brought so much light into this world.

This condolence focuses on their loved one’s legacy and your appreciation for their loved one. 

15. I know how much you loved [Name]. That love doesn’t go away.

You can acknowledge the depth of grief and the enduring bond shared. 

Follow-Up Phrases to Stay Connected

Support after the funeral is just as important. These phrases help you reconnect when the initial condolences have faded and are acceptable to say face-to-face, in an email, or by text.

16. I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing these days?

If it feels right, add a casual, no-obligation invite for coffee or a quick visit.

17. I know this week might be tough. Just wanted to say I’m here.

The first birthday, holiday, or anniversary after a loss is challenging. Reaching out is a kind and supportive gesture. 

18. I saw something that reminded me of [Name] and thought of you.

Keeps the loved one’s memory alive in a thoughtful way. 

19. No pressure to respond – I just wanted to reach out.

Perfect for texts or messages when someone may still be overwhelmed. You can add a heart emoji or another supportive image.

20. Grief is a long road. I’m with you for as much of it as you need.

Remind them that your support isn’t limited to one moment or by time passing. 

21. I’m stopping by with (something; meal, dessert, toys for kids) – no need to talk if you don’t feel like it.

Pairing an action with a warm sentiment can be deeply comforting. 

Words Matter, but Actions Speak Loudest

There’s no perfect thing to say after a death, but showing up, reaching out, and speaking from the heart can make all the difference. Whether it’s a few words at a service or a thoughtful message down the line, what matters most is letting someone know they’re not alone in their grief. 

You could:

• Offer to help with thank you cards after the funeral 
• Volunteer to help them sort through their loved one’s belongings 
• Lend a hand with yard work or household chores
• Drop off a meal or send a food delivery gift card
• Plant a memorial tree in their loved one’s name

Grief isn’t something you fix – it’s something you walk through, together. Your words won’t take the pain away, but they can offer comfort, connection, and care. Whether you speak, write, or simply show up, these small gestures let someone know they’re seen, supported, and remembered just like the person they’ve lost.