What To Do When You Lose Your Best Friend

Many of us consider our relationships with our best friends among the most important in our lives. And when they pass away, our pain is as intense as losing a blood relative. Here are suggestions on how to gently start to heal when your best buddy dies.

Why Friendships Matter At Every Age

A recent survey on the impact of friendship on happiness revealed that while friendships benefit individuals at every age, the older we get, the more we value our friends. For women especially, friendships are a lifeline when relationships, marriages, and families don’t give the unconditional love and support they need. Friendship provides an essential social and emotional structure to offset the harmful effects of loneliness caused by retirement, divorce, illness, and death. 

The State of Friendship in America

A recent survey revealed how many friends most American adults have:

• 53% of adults report having one to four close friends
• 38% say they have five or more close friends
• 8% indicate they have no close friends

Age affects the number of friends people have. When asked if they had five or more close friends, the advantage goes to older Americans:  

• 49% of adults 65+ 
• 40% of those 50-64 
• 34% of individuals ages 30-49 
• 32% for those under 30

When Your Best Friend Dies

Friends are the family we choose, so we feel this loss keenly. However, some people have a hard time understanding the deep mourning of a friend. It’s easy to feel disenfranchised and left out, mainly if you aren’t close to your friend’s family. And even if your friend was ill for a long time, accepting that they are gone is challenging.

Losing a close friend is a gut-wrenching and painful experience. Here are some suggestions on how to cope with the loss when your best friend dies. 

Attend the Funeral or Memorial Service 

Participating in the rituals and ceremonies can provide a sense of closure and allow you to say goodbye. Connecting with others who know and care about your friend is essential. And although different religions and cultures honor life differently, funerals are the first step toward acceptance and healing your loss. 

Allow Yourself To Grieve

It’s important to give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions. Grief is a natural process, and everyone experiences it differently. Cry, talk about your feelings, and don’t try to suppress your emotions.

Reach Out 

Seek support from other friends, family members, or a counselor. Share your feelings and memories with people who understand and care about you. Sometimes, talking about your friend and sharing stories can help you process your emotions.

Take Care of Yourself

Processing grief is physically and emotionally draining, so prioritize self-care. Get enough sleep, eat nourishing meals, and engage in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Exercise, spend time in nature, meditate, or engage in hobbies you enjoy.

Understand That Some People Will Not 

Disregard when someone suggests your grief is not as valid because you lost a good friend, not a spouse or parent. Your feelings of pain and loss should be expressed and honored. Don’t allow someone to degrade what you’re experiencing. 

Honor Your Friend’s Memory

Find ways to commemorate your friend’s life and keep their memory alive. You could create a scrapbook, write a letter, plant a memorial tree, or donate to a cause that was important to them. Celebrate their life in a way that feels meaningful to you. 

Accept Your New Normal

Adjusting to life without your friend is part of the healing process as time passes. Allow yourself to adapt to new routines and find peace in the small moments of joy that begin to return. This doesn't mean forgetting your friend; it's about finding a way to move forward while keeping their memory in your heart.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you find it difficult to cope with the loss or if your grief becomes overwhelming and affects your daily life for an extended period, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and help you navigate through the grieving process.

Remember, everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to mourn the loss of a loved one. Take your time, be patient with yourself, and allow the healing process to unfold naturally. Click here to explore more helpful resources on coping with loss.